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Donald Trump Cries On Shoulder Of Woman After Press Conference

The media was mean to him.

The media hurt President Trump's feelings so badly after Thursday's press conference, that he sought to be consoled from the nearest woman's shoulder.

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Donald Trump Wins Election

Wins electoral vote, loses popular vote.

In what will for certain be a highly scrutinized election by historians, Donald Trump has won the 2016 election and will become the 45th President of the United States.

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Disney pulls new Star Wars movie from theaters due to lack of interest

Underwhelming ticket pre-orders to blame

It seems as though The Force is not with the latest movie in the Star Wars franchise after all. Late Thursday night, Disney decided it was best to pull The Force Awakens out of theaters across the globe.

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Goodell Extends Brady Suspension To 8 Games

Brady "generally aware" of failing to reach settlement

In breaking news out of New York, it appears as though Roger Goodell will be extending the suspension of NFL star quarterback Tom Brady to a total of eight games on the grounds of being "generally aware" of a failure reach a legal settlement with the league.

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South Carolina Unveils New State Flag

The night they went down on Old Dixie

In a surprising development out of South Carolina, state lawmakers voted to approve a new state flag.

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NFL To Air Football Deflation PSA

No more deflation…

In the wake of the latest National Football League scandal, which has led to a four game suspension of Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, it was announced today that a new public service announcement would be aired during commercials this year.

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Tesla CEO Announces Model S Will Run On Gasoline After Software Update

Goodbye Range Anxiety

A cryptic tweet by Elon Musk on Sunday morning left a lot of people puzzled and speculating.

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Color Shifting Dress Exposed As Hoax

Animated GIF used to deceive millions

The Internet was buzzing last night over a black and blue dress that appeared to be white and gold to a number of people.

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Massachusetts Lawmakers Propose Ban On Snowstorms

Potential jail time for any violations

Massachusetts residents have been getting pounded with snowstorm after snowstorm over the last three weeks.

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Brian Williams Exaggerated Size Of 2003 Bowel Movement

Brought down the plumbing

NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams is under fire again this week after reports surfaced that he may have embellished the size of a bowel movement he took in 2003.

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Seahawks Win Super Bowl XLIX In Alternate Universe

Marshawn Lynch runs in game winning touchdown

Seattle Seahawks fans can rejoice knowing that their team won in captivating fashion in the Super Bowl… in an alternate universe.

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NYC Mayor Warns That Tauntauns Will Freeze Before They Reach The First Marker

You thought NYC smelled bad on the outside

Blizzard preparation kicked into high gear Tuesday, with NYC Mayor Bill de Blasio giving a grim warning to city residents.

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Obama Beatboxes During State Of The Union Address

Challenges Skiller to a competition

In a shocking scene during the State of the Union address Tuesday night, President Barack Obama showed off his beatboxing skills during his speech.

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NFL Investigating Claims That Belichick Used Black Magic In Win Over Colts

Belicheat at it again…

Fresh off of a win in the AFC Championship game against the Indianapolis Colts, a new allegation is being levied at Bill Belichick, head coach of the New England Patriots.

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Kanye/McCartney Song Contains More "Paul Is Dead" Clues

Billy Shears Rides Again

The collaboration by Paul McCartney and Kanye West made some big headlines last week, on the charts and on Twitter. With some Twitter accounts joking that they did not know who Paul McCartney was, there was some initial outrage from the "kids these days" crowd, mainly Beatles fans.

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Sony Sends Terminator Back In Time To Stop Production Of The Interview

Will likely create alternate reality

In the latest bizarre twist in the Sony Pictures hacking scandal, company executives announced that they will be sending a T-800 series terminator back in time to stop production of the movie "The Interview."

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University Study Shows That Racists Prefer White Meat

Tend to pass on the legs and thighs

Do you prefer turkey breast to the legs or thighs? If so, you might be a racist, according to a new study put together by Taylor-Hayes University in Colorado.

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Taylor Swift Pulls All Music From iTunes

Baffling move follows removal of her catalog from Spotify

Fresh off of the removal of her catalog from the music streaming service, Spotify, Taylor Swift made another bold move this weekend.

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John Kerry Projected To Win 2014 Presidential Election

Independent voters help Kerry carry Iowa

After a crushing defeat in 2000, John Kerry is on his way to a resounding victory in the 2014 Presidential Election.

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Carl Icahn Planning Hostile Takeover Of Local Playground

Apple, Dell, eBay, playground...

Carl Icahn is no stranger to inserting himself into the center of controversy when there is a profit to be made.

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Hillary Clinton Confirms: "Yes, I'm running!"

Chelsea will be her running mate

It has been years of "will she or won't she" on whether or not Hillary Clinton will be running in 2016.

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White House Intruder Was Just Looking For A Bathroom

Had just made a run to the border

An official statement released by the White House indicated that the man was just looking for a bathroom because of a bowel movement emergency.

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Tom Brady Released By The New England Patriots

Roster move clears salary cap space to sign an elite receiver

New England Patriots fans were screaming for blood on Tuesday morning, after an ugly loss to the Kansas City Chiefs on Monday Night Football.

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Heaven's Database Hacked, Trillions Of Angels Have Personal Information Exposed

CEO offers one year of identity theft protection

Fresh on the heels of major database hacks at Target and Home Depot, it looks like Heaven may be the latest victim in a string of hacking incidents.

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Apple To Announce iPhone 7 At Event Next Week

Packed with amazing new features

It has only been a few short days since the iPhone 6 and iPhone 6 Plus have started shipping into the hands of customers, but Apple is already planning to announce a new upgrade.

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New England At High Risk For Snownadoes This Winter

Changing weather patterns continue to produce severe weather

National meteorologists have projected that the danger of tornadoes in New England will not go away just because summer is over.

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Adrian Peterson Disciplined By Coach With 'Switch' After Fumbling In Practice

Coach says he is not a player abuser

The star running back is back in the news today after an incident that took place today during today's Vikings practice.

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NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell Suspends Himself For Four Games

Planning to appeal the suspension

It has not been a good week for National Football League Commissioner Roger Goodell.

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Leaked Documents Reveal Bill Belichick As Secret NSA Advisor

Eric Mangini seeking asylum in Russia

It has been seven years since the videotaping controversy, better known as Spygate, initially put a black eye on the image of the NFL. With the first Sunday of the NFL football season about to start today, a new scandal is about to rock the sport and the country.

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Fantasy Football Leagues Prepare To Award Points For Concussions

Wes Welker leaps to first round in mock drafts

This week, it was announced that some major fantasy football services are allowing league commissioners to enable an option that would award points for player concussions.

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Hollywood Executives Already Planning Hunger Games Reboot

That didn't take very long

The world is still months away from the release of The Hunger Games: Mockingjay - Part 1 in theaters, but apparently Hollywood executives and producers are already in the process of putting together a plan for a reboot of the series.

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Congress Considering National Sales Tax On Bacon

A very unpopular pork bill

Lovers of bacon across the country may soon be paying more for their tasty delights.

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Wizards Of The Coast To Stop Production Of Magic: The Gathering Cards

Plans to fully commit to mobile technology

Despite the thriving user base, Wizards of the Coast seems to be jumping out ahead of any potential decline in sales by making the shift to mobile.

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Dr. Dre Planning Surprise "Detox" Announcement At VMAs Tonight

Album to finally be released at midnight

Fans of Dr. Dre have been waiting patiently for the follow up to the amazingly successful "2001" album released in 1999.

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Telecommuting Accidents Up 20% This Year

The information superhighway is getting dangerous

Startling news was released by the World Health Organization today, as they announced a dramatic twenty percent increase in telecommuting accidents year over year.

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The First Day Of School Is Cancelled In Your Town

Do your friends know yet?

The unexpected news is leaving parents scrambling for daycare coverage and has teachers grumbling about having teach another day further into the summer.

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Fifty Shades Of Grey To Be Adapted As Illustrated Children's Book

Parents and religious groups up in arms

There has not been a book in recent memory that has caused as much of a stir as Fifty Shades of Grey has over the last three years.

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Uber And Lyft Drivers To Compete In Demolition Derby

There can be only one

In recent months, the rivalry between the rideshare and taxi startups Lyft and Uber has escalated significantly.

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Facebook Testing 'Propaganda' Tag on Fox and CNN Posts

Doesn't want people to be confused

The News Feed experiment has been in place for about a month, but not all Facebook users are happy about the tweaking.

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Democrats Propose Bill Requiring Stool Samples For Gun Purchases

Republicans outraged at requirement

Yet another gun control proposal was put forth by Democrats over the weekend.

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Congress Authorizes Drone Strikes On Teachers Unions

Also denounces using students as human shields

Late night action in the Senate and House of Representatives yielded a bill that would authorize domestic drone strikes on teachers unions across the country.

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Boston College Announces Plans To Shut Down Hockey Program

Time to give someone else a chance

The plan is effective immediately, and could have devastating effects on the student body and the local economy.

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Joseph Kony Accepts ALS Ice Bucket Challenge

Kony 2016?

Ugandan miltia leader Joseph Kony surfaced today to participate the ice bucket challege.

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DCI To Allow Saxophones Next Season

Move turns drum and bugle corps world on its head

In what will surely come as a head-scratcher to almost everyone, Drum Corps International has taken the bold step of allowing saxophones into competition next season.

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This Amazing Cow Learned To Speak English

Stunning discovery could change animal studies forever

For one cattle ranch owner, a chance discovery of one cow's unique talent is sure to change the course of cow science for years to come.

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Apple Patent Reveals Plans To Run Android On iPhone

News that could shake the core of Silicon Valley

Patent filings by Apple, discovered today, indicate plans that could completely turn the the technology world upside down.

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Federal Classroom Technology Grant Guarantees E-Cigs For All Inner City Students

Technology finally makes its way to the students who need it

Some of the lowest performing schools in the country received a pleasant surprise this week when word of a new Federal technology grant was announced to the public.

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Dr. Oz Touts Health Benefits Of Invisible Strawberries

He does not officially endorse the unseen fruit

Dr. Oz has been under considerable fire in the press lately over his "non-endorsements" of supplements on his TV show, "The Dr. Oz Show."

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Director's Cut Of Frozen To Carry "R" Rating

Partial Nudity And Graphic Violence To Be Added Back Into Beloved Movie

A slightly surprising development emerged from Disney this morning when it was announced that a special edition release of Frozen would feature a Director's Cut version that will likely receive an "R" Rating from the MPAA...

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Pope Francis To Recognize Arthur T. Demoulas As First Living Saint

Unprecedented action by Pope emboldens Market Basket Employees

Market Basket employees have been taking their message to the company headquarters, store parking lots, and social media. Their solidarity has raised eyebrows in the local news, the national news, and now at the Vatican...

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